she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
