The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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