I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
