we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
