dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
