I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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