I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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