Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
