I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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