Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
God, I missed his penis.
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