I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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