John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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