Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
