I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
