did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
