so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
