Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
