i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
