She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
