Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
