I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
