I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
