yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
a search helicopter?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
