Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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