Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
porn star boner night. come get it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
