plz talk dirty to me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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