i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
