ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
