is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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