Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
