so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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