i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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