Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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