i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
