This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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