I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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