i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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