Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
