babies were throwing up all over the place
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize