I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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