xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
