Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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