You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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