Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
