People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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