Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
