This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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