remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
