i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
