Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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