I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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