So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
