Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
