my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
