I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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