We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
