he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
