so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
