i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
