all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
