help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
