how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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