I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
