i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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