Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
