I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize