8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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