There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize