listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
