talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
