He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
