I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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