I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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