stop calling my apartment porn island.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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