Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
