And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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