She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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