I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
