i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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