kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
