You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
handjob tips. give me some.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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