Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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