if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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