and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
